Love and Tears
by pingpong2411
Summary: Translated fic - When Shinichi recognized his feeling toward Shiho, it was too late.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Love and Tears

**Author: **WingsTran (at this site) or Wings89 (at every other sites).

**Source: ?31-Love-and-Tears**

**Translator: **pingpong2411 (me!)

**T/N: **I'm not good at English so there will be a lot of grammatical errors.

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**~Love and tears~**

**Chap 1:**

_**Flashback**_

It had been the third day since Haibara started to act strange, and Conan felt it. Every time she woke up in the middle of the class, her forehead sweat profusely, she left off the meal and she didn't even take a glance at her fashion magazines. Hakase also warned Conan about Haibara. She ran under the snowing sky and sat on a park bench until night. And that day was not an exception. Conan was on his way to Hakase's house when he caught a glimpse of a familiar strawberry - blonde hair girl running in the white snow.

"Haibara, Haiba..." He stopped in the middle of the sentence when she glared at him with annoyed expression.

"What?"

"What the hell are you doing out here? Go home now," Conan tugged her arm but Haibara just pulled away from him and sat down the bench.

"Haibara, what's wrong with you? Every time you become like this, there are only..."

"The nightmares."

"About _them_?"

"Just half of it, the other was nothing about _them._"

"What was it? Your parents, Akemi-oneechan..."

"It was you," Ai reply simply and caught a shocked (with a little dumb) glance of the person next to her, "Just kidding."

"Baka ne!" Conan shouted.

"Hey Kudo, what would happen if one day I don't exist in this world anymore?" Haibara looked at the stars and reached out her hand as if she's going to touch them, "Can I be like neechan, turn into such beautiful, shining stars like that?"

"Stop thinking nonsense. If you disappear then who's going to make the antidote..." Conan shut his mouth immediately. He chose the wrong words.

"I'm just the cure for you after all, right?" Haibara said, didn't bother to take a glance at the detective.

"No. That's not what I meant. It just..."

"Kudo, I know you really want to get back to your old self, to get back to Ran, to get back what was yours. Don't worry, I'll do my best. Sooner or later, everything will back to normal," Haibara reach out her hand and let the snow fall down to it. With her temperature, they easily melted into little droplets, "It's very good to be snow. They're just things that fell down from the sky and easily melted by something. Kudo, can I be like them when I touch you?"

"Didn't you touch me for a thousand times already?" Conan's answer was ridiculous, but maybe he was trying to avoid Haibara's question.

_What does she mean?_

"Yeah, right. To be honest, Kudo, have you ever really forgive for what I've done?"

Their eyes met each others, and in that moment, Conan saw sadness, grief, and anxiety in those turquoise eyes. Why he had never seen them before? Was he so careless? Careless enough to ignore what happen in Haibara's mind, or just pretend listening whenever Hakase told him about her nightmares. Conan thought they were just normal things. Honestly, he just wanted her to make the antidote quickly, but always say the opposite things. He used to call her a murderer, but never thought what she felt. Pain, anger or guilt?

So, have Conan Edogawa ever forgiven Ai Haibara?

Have Shinichi Kudo really forgiven Shiho Miyano?

Never...

Because...

"I've never forgiven you."

Conan stopped when he realized Haibara was holding his hand, shutting her eyes as if she's listening to an important judgement. He slid his hand out of hers, then press both of his hands on her cheeks gently, made her pale skin turn into pink.

"Because no one in this world has the right to forgive you. Neither Shiho Miyano nor Ai Haibara is guilty. Understand me?", and answering him was a smirk on Haibara's face.

"Promise me one thing. When we got chased by the Organisation, leave me behind. Because I'm a traitor, and that's what you should do."

"Don't be stupid. No matter what happen, Conan Edogawa will never leave Ai Haibara behind. I won't allow myself to do that. I promised you that I would protect you at any cost, remember?"

"Even sacrifice Ran Mouri?" Haibara voice was so soft but enough to make Conan froze.

That's right, he has never thought about it. At any cost? He can't lost Ran to save Haibara, he can't forfeit leave Detective Boys just to save only Haibara. How can he say that when

he can't sacrifice anyone or anything. Conan never thought the girl next to him would ask him such a question. The only thing he could trade to protect her is...

"I can't. I can't sacrifice Ran for you, I can't sacrifice anyone just to save you. The only thing I can do is take myself to protect you... That's all." His voice getting smaller at the end, as if he's afraid he said something wrong.

"Really? Arigatou Kudo-kun. But I won't let you die that easily for me. You're still my 'lab rat' to test the antidote."

"Geezz... It's late now, let's go home. Hakase is waiting for you."

"Wait, Kudo-kun. I'd like to eat a cake today and... could you... could you buy me a rose?"

"Eh?" Conan almost dropped his jaw from shock because of Haibara's question.

Cake? Rose?

Is this Sherry – Shiho Miyano – Ai Haibara that he used to know?

"What? Don't like it?" Haibara glared at him.

"No, no. Whatever you want."

Then, Conan took the strawberry - blonde hair girl's hand and they ran out of the park with beautiful bright smiles on their faces.

But they didn't notice someone was watching them with an evil smile. The one was sitting in the Porsche 356A, with a cigarette in his mouth.

That rose was the first and also the last one Haibara has ever received from Conan.

_**End flashback**_

**TBC.**


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you **white-lily00, momo, hai-edogawa **and **Ghostgirl** for leaving reviews.

Disclaimer (I forgot it last chapter): Detective Conan belongs to Aoyama Gosho.

**T/N**: Sorry if the source link didn't work. I really don't know why.

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**Chap 2 : **

Shinichi pushed the heavy grey door with his trembling fingers. He had a bad feeling, a very bad feeling – he might say it's extremely bad. The young detective closed his eyes, mumble his pray while the creaking sound of the door was echoing in the old, empty storage.

In the sad colour of the twilight, stand out a reddish colour in the middle of the room.

Shinichi collapsed to the ground, trying to support himself by his knees. His brown eyes stuck to the girl's body lying in a pool of blood, on the cold, concrete floor.

Shiho's voice echoed by his ears, filled with sadness and depression.

"Because Heaven has soon on fire, and the Angels are busy stopping the flame... so they don't have time to care about the humans."

That time, Shinichi knocked her forehead slightly with his hand, shaking his head.

"God will never abandon us, unless we abandoned ourselves. Stop thinking those pessimistic things."

But... now, everything is right.

Heaven is on fire, and to Shinichi – the world is crumbling under his feet.

Shinichi clutched his hands, tried to stand up, staggered to the body in the middle of the room.

"Shiho?"

He kneeled down, lifted the girl with careful and gentle as if she was going to shatter into thousand pieces. He could feel something stuck in his throat, his eyes were getting blurred, and he felt like something was crushing his heart.

"Shiho? I'm here.. I'm here now..."

Shinichi's trembling fingers caressed her pale, cold cheek gently. He sat down, moved inch by inch and let the girl's body press on his, her head leaning against his chest.

His chin relaxed on her stained-blood hair, a small smile appeared on his bloody, sweated face.

"Shiho... Look at your hair. It's not... It's not like you at all..."

Shinichi ran his finger through her hair, letting her soft hair slid through his hand.

"Shiho... Shiho... Wake up... I'm here now...I'm here to bring you home..."

Suddenly, he caught a small shiver from her eyes, made him startled.

"Shiho... Shiho...", His hand was holding hers; his dark, depressed eyes glinted with hope and joy. "Shiho... It's me... Shinichi. Can you hear me? I'm here now, so please... open your eyes..."

Her eyes fluttered again.

From somewhere, Shinichi's sincere voice had raised the last breaths in Shiho. Heavy eyelids, and the dark is spreading its wings on everything... she felt like she was floating to a far place, very far. But Shinichi's sobs had stopped her indeterminate steps.

_Open your eyes, Shiho Miyano!_

_Even if you die, you have to see for the last time!_

_Shiho Miyano, c'mon, open your eyes!_

The shouting echoed in her mind like urging her. Shiho could feel the dark fading away... then, some lights appeared, and behind those lights was the face that she thought she would never see again.

"Shiho?" Shinichi's cheerful voice brought her back to reality, "Shiho?"

"Finally... you're here," her pale lips curved into a smirk on her bloody face.

"I promised... I promised that I will protect you, by myself, remember? So of course I'm here!" Shinichi didn't stop to breath. He afraid if he did, she wouldn't get his words clearly, and she would leave him.

"I know..." her voice was so soft, as if it could fade away in the air, "That's why... I have...always...waited for you..."

"Yes, and I'm here now. So don't you dare to leave, understand?" Shinichi muttered, he held her shoulders closer to his chest, "I'm here now... so please... don't go... don't leave me alone... don't make me break the promise... don't make me the worse man in this world..."

"That promise... you kept it very... well... very well," her voice got smaller, smaller at the end. Shinichi couldn't recognized if it was a whisper or not, "That's too much for a murderer like me."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shinichi felt the salty taste on his lips, and the chokes stuck in his throat, "How many times do I have to tell you? A thousand times... you're not guilty... not at all!"

Shiho had came to the line between life and death. She could see oneechan smiling to her. Behind oneechan is otousan, okaasan...

"You're very brave, Shiho-chan," oneechan's gentle voice reached her ears.

"Shiho-chan, you did well," okaasan raised her hand, looked at Shiho by her warm eyes, "We're so proud of you."

Shiho saw Shinichi's face was getting blurred behind those lights, suddenly, a bright smile appeared on her lips. She didn't know if he can see it, or feel it, or maybe it was just her illusion... but Shiho still tried to reach her hand through those lights, touching his cheek. Her skin immediately felt a warm, wet sensation.

"...Thank you... for everything..."

Oneechan patted her shoulder gently. Shiho knew it was time to go. She looked back for the last time, looked at the lights as it carried the figure of her love far away to the endless space. A tear rolling down on her cheek.

_"Aishiteru__, Shinichi!"_

**TBC.**


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you **momo, hai-edogawa, , purebloodragdoll, Guest **and ** Sherrys Fan **for leaving reviews.

**T/N: **To anyone who thinks this is my story, my writing style,... please note in your mind that I'm just the translator of this fic (I wrote it in the first chapter). The original version belongs to **WingsTran (wings89) **and I have her permission to translate it. I'm sorry if this chapter kinda short, it'll be longer next time, but I'm not sure if I would be able to update soon. My schedule like a mess, my mom doesn't give me a minute to face the computer. Let's hope she won't find out that I use the computer while she's at work :P

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**Chap 3:**

Shinichi held Shiho's body tighter to his chest, he felt his uselessness for the first time in his life. Why he could save Ran when she got kidnapped? Why he could save the Detective Boys when they were in danger? Why he could save hundreds of people when their lives were endangered by the bomb? But he couldn't protect the one he loved most?

_"I can't sacrifice anyone just to save you. The only thing I can do is take myself to protect you... That's all."_

Then why... why she's dead, and Shinichi Kudo's still here?

The room was covered by the darkness slowly, just like Shinichi's world had lost its light forever. He didn't even notice Ran had kneeled by his side.

"Shinichi?" Ran whispered, placing her hand on his shoulder.

But Shinichi couldn't hear her, or he was trying to ignored her. He stood up slowly, carrying Shiho in his arms, keeping her head leaning against his chest. Shinichi bowed his head, whispered to her ear like she still alive, "Shiho... let's go home."

Ran was so frightened by Shinichi's abnormal action. She tugged Shinichi's arm violently, "Shinichi! Shinichi!"

Still no reaction. Shinichi's face froze all his emotion, his inanimate eyes, and his feet walked slowly in a straight line. Ran thought he would hit the door if it was not open from the beginning. She tugged his arm again and shouted, "Shinichi! She's dead! She is dead!"

"GET OUT!" By a brazen action, Shinichi flung his childhood friend's arm, made she fell on the ground.

Ran stared at Shinichi in horror. She couldn't believe what just happened. He pushed her, and shouted at her to get out of his way? She knew Shinichi was anguished. Since that girl was missing, he almost dug the whole Tokyo up to find her, drove crazily just to hear some clue about her, no matter what time it was. Look at that attitude, Ran didn't merely think between that two people was something called 'Friendship'. But she still lied to herself, she convinced herself that Shinichi was kind to everybody.

Until now, she didn't dare to think that again. Shinichi that she knew never broke down in any situation, no matter how tough it was. Shinichi that she knew never shed a tear for anybody, even when the saddest cases. And Shinichi that she knew never looked at her by that look, never talked to her by that voice.

He wasn't her Shinichi. Or at least, he wasn't the Shinichi that she used to know.

Ran looked after the tall, slender figure of the detective, until it disappeared behind the stairs. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, and there was no way to stop them.

**TBC.**


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you, **hai-edogawa, machimaru,**** MadlyMagical, Aoki Aoi 16 (Ghostgirl),**** Hazuka Kirika** and ** Yukari Ayane **for leaving reviews.

**T/N:** Yeahhhhhh, summer is here, not for long, but it really is here. I still have last precious week of my super-short summer, so I won't waste it. If I have enough time, maybe I'll start a new story (translating one or writing one, I don't know). But I don't think I could make it in only a week. Anyway, enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own neither "Already Dead" nor Detectve Conan.

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**Chap 4:**

A long line of cars parked in front of the church. Those familiar faces of the police forced: inspector Megure, lieutenant Sato, sergeant Takagi, even inspector Shiratori and teacher Kobayashi... they were all there. The best friends of the young couple arrived first, gathering around the groom, chatting about the man's thing. Shinichi was wearing a white tuxedo, with a rose on his chest, smiling at everyone. Next to him, Sonoko was helping Ran straightening her pale pink dress. Shinichi's parents were sitting next to Ran's on the first row, looking at each other with loving eyes.

"Shinichi, what a beautiful wedding!" Agasa Hakase hugged him gently, "Ai-kun must be very happy."

"Yeah, I'm sure she is." Shinichi smiled back, blinking his eyes.

The seats were filled with people – those who have, are and will witness the deepest love in this world. They sat there quietly, waiting for God to combine the two souls.

Shinichi took a glance at his watch, then turned to Ran. "It's time."

The girl smiled, nodded her head. Sonoko and her went to a small room nearby, preparing for the ceremonials of the wedding.

.

.

When the Holy Father stepped into the cathedral, everybody stood up, bowed their heads in a minute praying in front of God. The choir began to sing some happy melodies, blessing the wedding. From the small room, Ran and Sonoko stepped out, pushing a crystal coffin. Inside the coffin, Shiho was lying there.

With her face make-up slightly, her eyes closed peacefully, she looked like a sleeping beauty, waiting for the prince's kiss to wake her up. The white wedding dress with a bouquet of red rose placed on her chest made the guests felt more pity.

That day was her wedding with the man she loved by her life. The wedding that she never thought she would be the bride... until the dream came true, she just lied there quietly, placed on the guests' lips a painful smile.

By the time the crystal coffin appeared, the church sank into the melody of the song "Already dead":

"Time wears away

All the pleasures of the day

All the treasures you could hold

Days turn to sand

Losing strength in every hand

They can't hold you anymore."

Inherently, the wedding always filled with smiles and laughter, but the guests had soon started sobbing quietly. There was no difficulty to hear the crying sound of a child among the seats.

"Ai-chan...," Ayumi clutched her pale blue gown, head propped on Mitsuhiko's shoulders, trying to stop her tears. The two boys didn't look better with their red eyes.

Ignoring the expressions of the guests, Shinichi smiled happily when the coffin reached by his side, Ran and Sonoko returned to their seats in the first row, sat down with quiet sighs.

The coffin's lid was opened carefully.

The Holy Father in his white suit, flipping the pages of the bible slowly with his fingers. His gentle eyes stopped at the young couple, and he gave them a warm smile.

"Shinichi Kudo, do you agree to take Shiho Miyano as your wife, whether in the times of defeat and in the times of triumph, whether in the times of sickness and in the times of health, whether in the times of joys and in the times of sorrow, you will always be by her side, taking care of her, loving her?"

"I do."

"Shiho Miyano, do you agree to take Shinichi Kudo as your husband, whether in the times of defeat and in the times of triumph, whether in the times of sickness and in the times of health, whether in the times of joys and in the times of sorrow, you will always be by his side, taking care of him, loving him?"

The church sank into the silence. The air seemed to be tensed up with the muffling sound of the guests... There were too much emotions that they couldn't put them into sentences... just only one word can describe it...

_...Pain..._

.

.

After several minutes of silence, Ran reached the coffin, lifted Shiho's arm carefully, she answered with a gentle voice.

"I do."

The Holy Father shifted his gaze to the black hair girl, nodded his head as a thank you, then turned to the groom.

Shinichi held Shiho's hand, putting the golden ring, a 'S&S' symbol was carved on it, on her ring finger slowly, then, with a calm expression and no hesitation, he put the other ring on his finger himself.

He bent down, looked at his still-sleeping wife with love filled in his eyes, before placed on her cold lips a kiss that would combine their souls forever...

**"Love is not eternal... there is only an eternal moment of love..."**

At that moment, the time seemed to stop. Everything faded in the darkness. There were only two hearts, one had stopped and one was still beating, melted together slowly, crossed the space, crossed the time, even crossed the line between life and death.

_At that moment, Shinichi Kudo and Shiho Miyano has belonged to each other._

_**Like they always did.**_

Sonoko leaned her head agaisnt Makoto's shoulder, Hattori hugged Kazuha gently, Sato clutched Takagi's and, Kobayashi sobbed in Shiratori's chest... The painful chokes escaped from the guests' lips, tears were rolling down their cheeks...

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**_Six years later..._**

"Ai-chan, watch out!" Ran panicked when she saw the little girl jumped down from the stairs, rushed to the door, and threw herself to those wide-open arms.

"Daddy, you're home!"

"Ai-chan, you should speak Japanese," Shinichi lifted the girl, kissed her rosy, chubby cheeks lovingly, "We're in Japan, not America."

"Yesssss," The little girl answered cuddly, rubbing her strawberry-blonde hair on his face, "If you came home late, me and mom wouldn't wait for you."

Shinichi patted the girl's head while Ran gave him the pink backpack with her not-so-happy face. "The baby-sitting's money will be charged in your bill for every minute you late, understand?"

"Sorry, there are so much files to finish," Shinichi bowed his head as an apologize, "I promise I'll be on time tomorrow, okay?"

"Geezz, I've heard it for a thousand times since you came back," Ran shook her head in disappointment, but then she recognized a bouquet of rose was placed solemnly next to the driver's seat in the grey Rolls Royce.

She smiled. "You're going to visit _her_?"

"Oh..." Shinichi smiled as his little girl playing with his ear naughtily, "Today is her birthday."

"Of course..." Ran kissed the girl's forehead before waving her hand, "Bye, Ai-chan. See you tomorrow."

"Bye bye, Mouri-sensei."

The car sprinted into the reddish color of the twilight, left the young woman behind with pain and sadness in her eyes.

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**_Haishen _****_cemetery_**

With one arm cradling his little daughter, the other holding the beautiful roses, Shinichi crossed the straight lines of graves, the oh-so-familiar path that even when he closed his eyes, he could still find exactly where he wanted to come.

Put the little girl down, he knelt on one knee, trailed his finger across the picture of a woman with strawberry-blonde hair on the tombstone

"Shiho, it's me and Ai-chan."

"Mommyyyyy," she kissed the picture gently, like the way she usually did with the pictures at home, "Happy birthday, mommy," The child's voice rang clearly.

Shinichi put down the roses, "Happy birthday, sweetheart."

The little girl sat down, opened her pink backpack and pulled out a small card, which was drawn in the scribbling crayon strokes of a kid. Inside the card was a painstakingly-written birthday wish of a 4-year-old girl to her mom.

**"Happy Birthday, mommy. Dad and I will love you forever."**

Underneath the wish was a name written in pink crayon, **"Ai Kudo"**

The card was placed solemnly next to the bouquet of rose.

Shinichi looked at the handmade card of his little daughter, he felt a surge of unbounded-joy in his heart.

Maybe it was fate, or destiny, or the guidance of Shiho's soul, that he became father of little Ai-chan in a gloomy, rainy afternoon. Four years ago, in a massacre in America, Ai-chan was one of the lucky children survived, but she lost both of her parents because of that frenzy killer. Shinichi couldn't take his eyes of a newborn with strawberry-blonde hair and beautiful azure eyes - epitomized the little Shiho. At the end of the case, Shinichi decided to adopt the baby, with the encouragement of his parents and friends. Thanks to the legal formalities of the United State was very easy, it was not difficult for Ai-chan's identity to be legalized with the perfect birth certificate:

_Father's full name: **Shinichi**_ **_Kudo_**  
_Mother's full name: **Shiho Miyano**_  
_Child's full name: **Ai Kudo**_

Shinichi brought his daughter to Japan, but because of his work, he usually went back and forth between Japan and America, so the little girl had to follow her dad in the long-term cases. That's why a 4-year-old girl like her could master both English and Japanese like that.

"Dad, is it true that mom can hear us?"

Whispering the question, Ai-chan pulled Shinichi's wrist, looked at him with her innocent eyes. His lips formed a small smile, he patted her head and looked at the picture in the tombstone.

"Of course she can, because Ai-chan is our little daughter," Then, he whispered tenderly, "Right, Shiho?"

Somewhere in the wind, a gentle voice whispered softly.

_"I love you, too."_

**END.**

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**T/N:** In the original version of this chapter, there is a poem, but I don't put it here because I can't translate it, put the rhyme into it and keep its beautiful meaning at the same time. So I'd rather keep this chapter without the poem, than let my poor English ruin it.


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